A Place to Heal

I feel like I'm in a cocoon made of the beautiful people around me. This is the word picture that came into my head Sunday. The more I ponder it, the more it truly reflects how I am feeling.

This post isn't about convincing anyone to believe the way I do, but everyone's personal beliefs affect their story. Here is how my belief affects my story.

I've met many people who have very good reason to say that church is a bad place. There's no hurt like church hurt because it cuts to our very soul. I empathize with anyone who's ever been hurt in any way by the church, and I am fully aware that the church has been hurting people for thousands of years. It's a reality I'm willing to face.

Knowing this as well as experiencing it myself, I can say that the worst hurts of my life have come from the church. At the same time, I can also say that I know the church is made up of hurting people and another truth is that hurting people hurt people. But this post is about how I've found a place to heal.

I made a decision in the middle of being broken and lost. I decided to allow Jesus and his sweet Holy Spirit to lead and guide me as I've tried to do my entire life. That may sound strange in light of the level of hurt the church has caused me, but I've seriously considered other religions and schools of thought. Following Jesus is the only one that promises peace.

WAIT, WHAT? Here I am talking about all the hurt and pain in the church yet now I'm saying this is the way of peace?!? Absolutely. Jesus himself said, "In this world you will have trouble. If it were not so I would have told you." His own disciples hurt one another with their little power plays and squabbles - shoot, one of them even betrayed Jesus to death. So how does this way bring peace? It sounds too simple, but I assure you some of the simplest things are the most difficult to master.

I fix my eyes on Jesus. That's it. I realize that people are people and the same grace I want given to me is the same grace I must extend to others. We're very quick to ask for pardon for our own faults by asking others to judge our motives yet our go to response towards others is to judge their actions over motive. Again, we want others to judge us by our motives while we're quick to judge others by their actions. This is human nature we can all agree with.

What do I mean by "fix my eyes on Jesus?" I mean that I read the Bible and ask Him to show Himself to me as I read. He does. It's so wonderful.

Another thing He shows us in the Bible is that He's with us when we hurt and He uses people in the church to help us find healing, safety and comfort. Yes, you read correctly. While I realize church can be a place of hurt, it is often a place of healing.

I believe God led me to a church with leadership I can trust. As I've trusted them with my story and my brokenness, they've accepted me, loved me and protected me the way I understand Jesus would. I understand because I've read the Bible and found leaders whose actions follow the patterns I've come to expect from what it says. It's two-fold. There's the part where I do my "homework" of getting to know Jesus from my personal study and there's the part where I get together with people who believe in the same Jesus I do and we study together, not to reinforce our presuppositions, but to learn what it actually says and means.

This is the key, the guide, the 'formula' to understanding God. As I've done this and trusted Him to do as He says He'll do in His word, the Bible, He's given me His peace that truly passes understanding. There's no way I can explain it. All I know is that God took this broken heart, mind and person, wrapped me in His love and gave me people who would love me as He does. He's given me a season to heal and know Him with a closeness I've never known before. I have security. I am seen. I am heard. I'm allowed to be angry and sad, confused, lonely and all the other emotions on the rainbow - sometimes all at the same time.

Within this journey, that word picture of being in a human cocoon feels like the best way to describe it. To my beloved network who are part of my 'cocoon,' THANK YOU. I'll lead people again someday. I'll fully take my place to do the work I'm on earth to do. But for now, I'm allowed to be all snug and held by God and His people. And that's enough.

Please reach out if this post touches you and you want to know more.