A Strange Journey

Healing is a strange journey. I'm on day 14 of a 14-day virus. It's the first day I'm not using over the counter meds to keep me from coughing every time I try to talk so I decided to try to sing a song. Whoopsies. My voice is all out of whack still and has decided to take a longer hiatus. Bother.

No matter where you are on your healing journey, there are times it just feels strange. I've been on an emotional healing journey for over a year now and I'm getting tired of finding new triggers and having trust issues. Never having had a cast on, I'm told that it starts getting very itchy at the end. I suppose that's sort of how I'm starting to feel. There's not so much fog. I can usually make coherent sentences. My shoulders no longer stay up by my ears, and my posture is more upright. When I check in on my thoughts, they tend to be at least neutral and often even happy.

I wonder how long it takes the heart to heal. Will it ever be the same again? No. Life has changed it. Has the core person inside me changed? Not fundamentally. I still like chocolate; I just eat less now. I still love to laugh; I just let it out easier. I still like to brighten people's day; it just happens a little more naturally and I think more about them than myself now. It's a good change. It's healthier.

While it hasn't been loads of fun, and it has been a lot of self-reflection and work, I do know that I'm better now. I don't regret it. Is it the way I had dreamed and hoped? No - that's a HARD NO. Did it create unnecessary obstacles? ABSOLUTELY YES. But it's the journey that creates the challenges that make us stronger and better.

It feels like those awkward teen years when you're not a little kid anymore but not quite a grown-up yet. I'm not fully embracing this season, but I've learned that God still has a plan and is still in control. I still need to trust him for everything!

Proverbs 3

1My son, do not forget my teaching,

but let your heart keep my commandments;

2for they will add length to your days,

years and peace to your life.

3Never let loving devotiona or faithfulness leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.

4Then you will find favor and high regard

in the sight of God and man.

5Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding;

6in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight.

7Be not wise in your own eyes;

fear the LORD and turn away from evil.

8This will bring healing to your bodyb

and refreshmentc to your bones.

9Honor the LORD with your wealth

and with the firstfruits of all your crops;

10then your barns will be filled with plenty,

and your vats will overflow with new wine.

11My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD,

and do not loathe His rebuke;d

12for the LORD disciplines the one He loves,

as does a father the son in whom he delights.e